Again...and again...and again....

My cell phone rings while driving home. I checked the number and it said "Jove" I didn't pick up. It rang for a while so she intend to get hold of me. "What now..." I thought."I will not answer you, it's better off this way for me." I went on driving until I got home. Couple of beeps on ym cell but I ignored it since I know if it is an emergency my cell phone would ring and i have specific ring tones for every member of my family and friends, including H.

After getting things done, changing clothes and checking my e-mail, I looked for my cell to text ate Fions that I am online. "3 Messages and 2 Missed Calls" says on my screen. I cleared my missed calls and went to my messages. One was from Catholic.Org, another from Barb and then....

"Hi Lovey.We don't have any relationship now.One of my frnds saw H with a girl.I dnt knw wat 2do."

As much as I promised not to ever reply to any of her mesages or call, I felt bad for her. That feeling is no stranger to me and I know how much she must be hurting. Problem with me is I never harbor any ill feelings with any of his women. Maybe because I know how it will end up. It is going to end up all the same, just like my relationship with him. It is always good at first and then pain.....

"I can't meddle in your relationship with him but if you love him you will accept him for what he is.Im sorry you are in that situation."

"I stil love him but I cant accept if he hav someone.I'm leaving in January I will not come bak here in Bahrain"

"I dont know what to tell u.You love him yet u dnt know him very well if u think there's only u. U accept him 4 what he is or let it be. I warned him about playing w/emotions"

"I didn't play H Even if I have many sotors. God knows how much I love him."

I didn't reply anymore....

I got more irritated. Does this girl read & understand or is she in such an emotional stress she misread what I text her? I have always been irritated with the fact that H takes any girl that comes his way, smart or not. He can choose smarter and more educated ones and he seems to not bother choosing. I have always placed him on high regards that he deserves (I think) women who is close to his level (if not the same) in intelligence. I seem to keep thinking it is not just sex, there should be some intelligent conversation in there to happen. If he can attract a gal like me, he has the capability to attract a much better person than I am and yet he keeps grabbing anyone - even those who can't spell right or read right! I am not placing anyone down. When it comes to him, even I myself do not feel I am the best for him. All I am implying here is that he is worth a better woman than what he gets most of the time.

I didn't have time to think rationally. I called him to give him a piece of my mind. No answer. I tried again and again. It makes me more upset that he will not take my calls. I text him.

"Whoever is that gal with you send her home and answer my calls!"

"message sent to H" .... "oh ow!" I thought. Did I really do that? I checked my sent messages. It got sent. This is wrong, I thought. I have been doing really good able to stand the urge of calling and messaging him since he never replied to my last one. I took that as a sign that he don't want to communicate with or else an e-mail would have been sent or a yahoo offline msg in reply to that text if he didnt have the load to reply.

Dad noticed my face as I stare at my cell phone.

"Bakit?"

"H is at it again, his gf is crying, found him with another girl. Why is he like this, no consideration for a woman's feelings. He should be a better person than this."

"Nagseselos ka lang." and he laughs at me

"If I will get jealous it will over a woman who I think exceeds me, far better than me!"

"Oh di amen ka din. Tell him how you feel and see what he does. Kung pareho ko yan kiligin ako na galit ka about this"

"Goodness! You men are all the same! Why are you like this?!" and I went to my room and locked my door, face all wrinkled and frustrated.

*~*

I keep getting miss calls from her and 2 other number which when I try calling will not go through since it is missing the last digit. It is registering in my cell phone as +9733910300 and +9733913117. Her number is +97339131175

"Whos number is +9733910300 and +9733913117? I am getting misscalls fr these #s, are they yours?"

"9131175 is my number. Can u check again d other no 910300 one is missing."

before I can even reply she sent me another one.

"How did you tex me if u dnt knw my complete no"

I didn't reply anymore....it will just frustrate me more that she doesn't read properly.

Throughout the night I kept trying to call him. And sometimes with so much frustration I sent text messages that I am sure will probably pissed him off. Unless he find humor in all of these like Dad did. I don't....

*~*

this morning, a text message

"Im sorry about missing ur call...I normally leave home my fone especially in times like this...Im really sorry. What happened? ur angel back?"

I know the situation he is talking about: avoiding Jove's call. And repeating his apology with a strong emphasis that he is really sorry made me feel like a crap for being a bitch but I can't make him think I don't have feelings and do the same thing I used to do before where I just let it be and ignore things. As much as my intention was good, my jealousy got the best of me for him having a new woman again. I started dialing but then I thought about it. I don't want him to get a hint of my jealousy. He can't know that I finally realized I still love him. He can sense that and can twist talk me into saying that if I talk to him over the phone so I decided to text him back.

"At times like what?when u have a new gf with u?Talk to ur gf.Ifeel bad 4 her.shes been texting and calling me abt ur new gal.shes miserable"

"Oh please do not reply anymore. I don't want to make it worst for me."

......good thing he didn't.

Now if he doesn't make any move to talk to me ...I will just let it be again. At least that would save me for ever making a mistake in letting him know that he will probably the last man I love and will ever love. Yup! I am following my Mother's footsteps, being here til I die for one man who might possibly notice me and give me that love due to me when I'm wrinkled and in death bed. Yup! I can see myself in that situation. See what my Mother taught me, and maybe years wil goon with people gossiping how tanga I am for loving this way like how they gossiped about my Mom.

Que horror!