today

very tired from work...didn't sleep well last night. I got home and cooked pork chop for us. Dad enjoyed it but i didn't feel like eating again but I had to force myself since Dad will be making a big deal out of it again. I stopped taking my blood pressure medicine too.

Ate fiona's text kept me company while cooking, taking my mind off tinking about other stuff but in between I still thought about him.

I can'thelp myself and talked to ate fions. I dont want to keep logs fearing my sister will see it. This blog is safe for her and when I start feeling the way I am feeling now, i think I should just always read what ate fions and i talked about:


mi_lovey: you didnt show up for dinner there are still leftover pork chops
coldfiona: dcc send it to me
mi_lovey: lol
coldfiona: he's online but he's not saying anything
mi_lovey: must be working
mi_lovey: i brought home work too
coldfiona: wow
coldfiona: when's ur party?
mi_lovey: uhmm the luncheon is Wednesday the after work cocktail is Friday
coldfiona: wow... 2 parties in a week!
mi_lovey: i guess it is bec the luncheon is for everyone
mi_lovey: its like a free lunch thrown by management
mi_lovey: the cocktail is with fee
coldfiona: ahhh
coldfiona: is gracey attending?
mi_lovey: they paid $25 per head
mi_lovey: yeah she is and her friend babr
mi_lovey: barb*
coldfiona: is that pinoy asshole attending too?
coldfiona:
mi_lovey: hehehe the luncheon he is but he is too cheap to pay for the cocktail
mi_lovey: he said he will be working out that night
mi_lovey: ahuh!
mi_lovey: i didnt care
mi_lovey: but the other gals were planning to get him that friday
coldfiona: he should stay at the gym... so there would be one less asshole at the party
mi_lovey: sit him in one table surrounded by all the women he dated and pissed off
mi_lovey: man ate fions
mi_lovey: today i had this case
mi_lovey: pinoy
coldfiona: what abt?
mi_lovey: and he was stalking and raping 15 year olds
mi_lovey: he got caught finally
coldfiona: what?? for real???
mi_lovey: he is short
mi_lovey: not bad looking
mi_lovey: but when i was interviewing him
coldfiona: baka si Gel yan!!
mi_lovey: he was giving me the details of his crime
mi_lovey: its sick
mi_lovey: lol
coldfiona: how old is the guy?
coldfiona: how long has he been doing that?
mi_lovey: he lieved 1 year in virginia
mi_lovey: then 4 years here
mi_lovey: he said right after he got his car which was a year and a half ago
coldfiona: baka si Mark yan!!!
mi_lovey: lol
mi_lovey: naahhh
mi_lovey: he is dark short with a mole on the lower rt cheek
mi_lovey: i cant rem his name
mi_lovey: but his first name is Mark
mi_lovey: the last name i cant rem its a weird one
coldfiona: ahhh... Mark is fairer and doesnt have a mole
mi_lovey: he said he is attracted to teenagers
mi_lovey: here even consentual it is illegal to have sex with any girl under 18
mi_lovey: you can go to prison
coldfiona: yup... statutory rape
mi_lovey: esp if the parents of the girl complains
coldfiona: how was he caught?
mi_lovey: the gf
mi_lovey: who jsut turned 18
mi_lovey: told him
mi_lovey: bec this guy is stupid
mi_lovey: he started following and stalking her younger sister
mi_lovey: she would follow her to school and kulit her to ride with him
coldfiona: gago talaga
mi_lovey: but see
mi_lovey: before that
mi_lovey: he already raped 6 gals
mi_lovey: 15 and under
mi_lovey: he even took their undie
mi_lovey: home with him
mi_lovey: then he told me
coldfiona: yuck
coldfiona: sick!!
mi_lovey: he would masturbate on that
mi_lovey: and throw it away
mi_lovey: i asked him if he did that in the Philippines
mi_lovey: he said he doesnt need to stalk any girls there
mi_lovey: they come to him willingly
mi_lovey: here he said
mi_lovey: its hard to get them
mi_lovey: bec they look at him an dhe looks older
mi_lovey: and ugly
mi_lovey: but he isnt ugly
mi_lovey: i dont know why he think he is
mi_lovey: but he is 27 years old
coldfiona: how tall is he?
mi_lovey: uhmm 5'2 i think at the most
mi_lovey: but well built
coldfiona: he's pandak!!!
coldfiona: ano work nya?
coldfiona: nurse?
mi_lovey: nope'he is a game tester
mi_lovey: for some game company
coldfiona: ohh IT
mi_lovey: might be
mi_lovey: he said game tester
mi_lovey: ate fions?
coldfiona: like beta testers i guess
coldfiona: yup?
mi_lovey: i have a question
coldfiona: sure
mi_lovey: if you rather not answer its ok
mi_lovey: i'll understand
coldfiona: ok
mi_lovey: do you miss mark?
coldfiona: sometimes i do... sometimes i miss the way he treated me
coldfiona: he always made me feel loved and desired
mi_lovey: if...lets say knowing he is the way he is... but knowing he will love you in his own way..even he is married...if given the chance would you go back to him?
coldfiona: but whenever i remember how he deliberately made a fool of me, how he played me i start to get angry
coldfiona: what for G?
coldfiona: i want to get married someday and i dont think i could take my hubby fooling around w/ someone even if it's just cyber
mi_lovey: you ownt give in for he chance to be happy?
mi_lovey: and feel the way you used to feel?
mi_lovey: loved and desired?
coldfiona: at whose expense?
coldfiona: the wife and kids?
mi_lovey: but you will be happy
mi_lovey: dont you deserve to be happy?
coldfiona: only for a short time... temporary insanity
coldfiona: i think i've done that already... my temporary insanity... just recently remember?
coldfiona: i do not savor doing it again
mi_lovey: uhmm
coldfiona: i want to be married someday and i always think that the same thing could happen to me too
coldfiona: why do you ask these things?
mi_lovey: i
mi_lovey: huhmm
mi_lovey: i miss harold
mi_lovey: and im wondering what if we give it another try knowing he is the way he is but also knowing he loves me (that is if he does and tell me so)
mi_lovey: you know
mi_lovey: starting another relatinship
mi_lovey: with another man who you know nothing about
mi_lovey: then learning to adjust to each other again
mi_lovey: i could skip that with harold
mi_lovey: and if i dont love him why do i miss him?
mi_lovey: you see before ate fions, knowing he loves me, all these girlets didnt matter
mi_lovey: i was so sure no matter how many gfs or girlet he may have, he loves me and would always be his priority
mi_lovey: i was secure then
mi_lovey: i want that feelinagain...to be secure that im loved
coldfiona: hmmmmmmm
mi_lovey: no mater what i am it
mi_lovey: ewan ate fions
mi_lovey: maybe i am just PMSing
mi_lovey: i get melodramatic on days like this
coldfiona: your happiness will be temporary,,, your relationship would bring you heartaches and sakit ng ulo
coldfiona: how sure are you that he loves you? how sure are you he knows the meaning of love in the first place?
coldfiona: i was happy w/ Mark before I knew he was married and his wife was pregnant... I was happy w/ the illusion that we would end up together... but the reality is it will never happen
coldfiona: i can not fool myself to think that i would be happy with him in this situation
coldfiona: puro cyber na lang ba? puro online? he will never give me what i want and what i need
mi_lovey: i do not know that he loves me but i know if he tells me he does I will believe him - its as simple as that bec he will never tell me so to just play me, he is way too egotistical for that
coldfiona: i have to think of what's best for me
coldfiona: but he also tells his other women he loves them
coldfiona: gina for example
mi_lovey: that is the thing ate fions
mi_lovey: brb
coldfiona: ok
mi_lovey: sorry ate fions
mi_lovey: but as I was about to say - that is the thing...he can say it to all his gf and girlets that he loves them but he can never, even as a joke tell me that he loves me
mi_lovey: arrghh! hold on dad is calling again
mi_lovey: sorry
coldfiona: wb
mi_lovey: dad said he heard something in the sheds
mi_lovey: thank you
coldfiona: hehehe
mi_lovey: wala naman tao
mi_lovey: maybe the neighbors cats
coldfiona: moomoooooo
mi_lovey: its been raining
mi_lovey: noooo
mi_lovey: so what else did you and bong talked about
mi_lovey: he must be busy working
coldfiona: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
coldfiona: he's out for lunch yata
coldfiona: oops he's back?
mi_lovey: dunno lol
mi_lovey: he didnt msg me
coldfiona: wanderingrock (10:16:19 AM): In the spirit of halloween... CHeck this site: http://www.creativespirits.net/paranormal/famouspics1.php
wanderingrock (10:16:24 AM): good morning
coldfiona (10:16:44 AM): oops.. what's that site all about?
coldfiona (10:16:49 AM): good moaning po
wanderingrock (10:16:52 AM): look for yourself hehehehe
wanderingrock (10:16:59 AM): anong handle ni tanggero pala sa YM?
coldfiona (10:17:20 AM): di sya online eh.. teka hanapin ko po
coldfiona (10:18:15 AM): t_anggers
coldfiona (10:18:32 AM): kita ko na mga pics na ito... sa readers digest book
wanderingrock (10:18:57 AM): supposedly pics ng mga multo yan
coldfiona (10:19:21 AM): i should show you G's pic... ewan ko lang bakit ako lang yata nakakakita ng face sa likod nya
wanderingrock (10:19:58 AM): ano
mi_lovey: lol
mi_lovey: im amazed he saw that face you are talking abt
mi_lovey: is itthe same description you see?
coldfiona: wanderingrock (10:19:58 AM): ano meron sa pic ni g?
coldfiona (10:20:14 AM): parang may face sa likod nya
wanderingrock (10:20:25 AM): may i see it?
coldfiona (10:21:16 AM): wait... im thinking how to show that to you
wanderingrock (10:21:39 AM): ok
coldfiona (10:21:43 AM): may hello ka diba?
wanderingrock (10:22:02 AM): oo (but not sure how to use it hehehehehe)
coldfiona (10:22:48 AM): ano email address mo don? i need to search you... i can forward the pic to you there
coldfiona: grrrrrrrr!! darn mouse!!
coldfiona: wanderingrock (10:23:04 AM): greenkingstone@yahoo.com
coldfiona (10:28:44 AM): http://last_chance.blogspot.com
coldfiona (10:29:36 AM): ay ang liit pala
wanderingrock (10:29:57 AM): its so minute
coldfiona (10:29:59 AM):
coldfiona (10:30:04 AM): i can send it here
wanderingrock (10:30:29 AM): ok
coldfiona (10:30:43 AM): sending... hope your firewall doesnt block me
wanderingrock (10:31:42 AM): why is it taking so long?
coldfiona (10:32:08 AM): your firewall i think
coldfiona (10:32:17 AM): it's being sent to you now
coldfiona: wanderingrock (10:33:08 AM): i think it's a book behind her
coldfiona (10:33:16 AM): it's a chair daw
wanderingrock (10:33:23 AM): the purple-redish think behind her?
coldfiona (10:33:32 AM): yep
wanderingrock (10:33:44 AM): though it looks like a square-face with a chinky closed eyes
wanderingrock (10:34:06 AM): nah it's a chair nga
coldfiona (10:34:18 AM): it looks like someone on the phone
wanderingrock (10:34:33 AM): i chatted with g yesterday and i gather that you and her have been friends for ages now?
coldfiona (10:34:51 AM): yes... chatmates
wanderingrock (10:35:03 AM): have you met in person already?
coldfiona (10:35:47 AM): no
coldfiona (10:36:03 AM): she came here 2000, i was in the hospital taking care of my lola
wanderingrock (10:36:11 AM): sayang
coldfiona: coldfiona (10:36:22 AM): we were not as close as we are now
wanderingrock (10:36:45 AM): i think also that she's talking about her self in her story at her blog...
coldfiona (10:37:02 AM): oh?
wanderingrock (10:37:37 AM): i have this feeling that she's the one who was impregnated by the bf ... (my guess only)
wanderingrock (10:37:46 AM): wait brb
coldfiona (10:38:12 AM): k
mi_lovey: lol
mi_lovey: so he reads
coldfiona:
coldfiona: see?
mi_lovey: lol he didnt seem to be, i asked him he said no
coldfiona: maybe he started reading your blogs recently
coldfiona: after your last chat
mi_lovey: im planning to stop it actually
mi_lovey: and delete them
coldfiona: dont delete... just save the post... dont publish
coldfiona: edit then save the post
mi_lovey: like a draft?
coldfiona: yup
coldfiona: it will be saved as a draft... this way you get to keep everything even the comments
mi_lovey: ohhh
mi_lovey: i'll do that then
coldfiona: uy... what was that you wanted to tell me? regarding my email
mi_lovey: ohhh
mi_lovey: when I met her in 2000
coldfiona: lorie?
mi_lovey: yes
mi_lovey: she seemed so lady like
mi_lovey: i mean lik old fashion kind
coldfiona: well she is like that in person
mi_lovey: she was with ate lisa then and that other gal who we talked abt the chubby one?
coldfiona: pain
mi_lovey: yes
mi_lovey: her
mi_lovey: so anyway
coldfiona: anyway
mi_lovey: i knew then she was with Revo then another guy,, i cant rem him but anyway when we chatted again in chat after i had LG she told me abt havinga bf
mi_lovey: she even sent me picutres of them
mi_lovey: she was really into him
coldfiona: ahh... another chatter?
mi_lovey: then last night she told me he got married already and now has a baby
mi_lovey: no this guy isnt a chatter
mi_lovey: she met him in france
coldfiona: i mean the last guy
mi_lovey: and i told her i really envy her bec in my situation i can't seem to have time ...and not just time i mean i dont know what you call it
mi_lovey: the uhmmm like i cant think or imagine to ahvea bf
mi_lovey: if nt harold
mi_lovey: its like weird fo rme bec of LG
mi_lovey: she said her and the father of her baby are not even in speaking terms
mi_lovey: so its not like there is anything there
coldfiona: ahh... he has another family now
mi_lovey: but i rem that time in 2000 during my eb
mi_lovey: she was so inlove with this guy
mi_lovey: i guess another chatter got that guy
coldfiona: even w/ Revo she was inlove w/ him
mi_lovey: yeah she told me that
mi_lovey: i just find it amusing that she can joke abt your sex life
mi_lovey: if i was there and they were doing that i would have made a comment that maybe would get her to be pissed with me
coldfiona: she was influenced by gina
mi_lovey: im starting to not like that woman hehehe
coldfiona: gina talks about sex like she's a whore advertising herself
mi_lovey: she has kids too she should act appropriately
coldfiona: hehehehe
coldfiona: you should have seen the stuff she said
coldfiona: she thinks it's nice to talk that way... that's why tim likes to pick on her
mi_lovey: Ate fions, why can a guy be attracted to a woman like that? i mean men really like dirty mouth women?
coldfiona: like harold?
mi_lovey: yeah im talking abt harold
mi_lovey: i mean
coldfiona: harold has his reasons for wanting to marry her even if she's like that
mi_lovey: helet all the women who has finesse and smartness in them and keeps fixating on this kindof gals
coldfiona: men like women like that because they feel they can get her to bed... or do certain things for them
coldfiona: you want to know why harold likes her?
mi_lovey: ate fions, look, you love a man and you marry then, you will do anything for him, even to be his personal whore...as long as you both enjoy it and are happy doing it
mi_lovey: I am scared to ask....
coldfiona: I THINK... it's because he cant get serious w/ them... did you read my blog about men getting married?
mi_lovey: yes
coldfiona: he's like that... he wants to get married because he knows it's time
coldfiona: but he doesnt want to get serious or tied down by one woman
coldfiona: this is my opinion
mi_lovey: marry her even thou she is not worth him?i mean he is worth much more of a woman like that
mi_lovey: he doesn't deserve a cheap, dirty mouthed woman
coldfiona: he sees these women differently... and how do you know they are not worth him?
mi_lovey: of all things i picture him with a woman who is educated with calss, and reserved
mi_lovey: class*
coldfiona: my dear i think he deserves someone like gina... i love harold but he doesnt treat women with respect... so he deserves someone like gina
mi_lovey: ate fions...harold isn't worth any woman who can't be respected by another man when Harold turn his back
coldfiona: well if he will still fool around even after he;s married, why would he get a nice woman to marry?
coldfiona: that would make him feel bad wouldnt it?
mi_lovey: you have a point there......
coldfiona: but dont tell harold i told you that
mi_lovey: how can she even be a mother to his child - that just sickens me
mi_lovey: we don't talk
coldfiona: these are all my opinions... i care for him but i dont like the way he treats women
mi_lovey: and i know things not to be discussed - its common sense
coldfiona: naku... common sense isnt so common these days hehehe
coldfiona: just look inside the channel hehehe
mi_lovey: i dont either and I thought i could have changed him... i screwed it up when he was trying to be good
mi_lovey: lol
coldfiona: do you honestly think you can be responsible for his actions?
coldfiona: naku
coldfiona: para kang nanay!
mi_lovey: lets change the topic, i think in order for me to stop thinking about it i just needed to discuss it with you and hear your sensibility on the matter
mi_lovey: i am a Nanay
coldfiona: nyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
coldfiona: my ex... the gym instructor... he;s kinda like that
coldfiona: he dumped me for someone else... and then she cheated on him... it nearly killed him but he still ended marrying her
mi_lovey: lol
coldfiona: why? because he has this perception that a wife is just a wife, a girlfriend is different... a barkada is better
mi_lovey: still trust her?
mi_lovey: how can you love when there is no trust?
coldfiona: kasi nga it was time for him to settle down
mi_lovey: goodness
coldfiona: his mom ran away with another man
coldfiona: that affected him a whole lot
mi_lovey: to settle down take any woman even the oen that is least of them all?
mi_lovey: scary
coldfiona: so he thinks a wife is bad and is different from the rest
coldfiona: he married his bad wife
mi_lovey: *sigh* sad and stupid
coldfiona: and he is cheating on her now because he "thinks" she deserves it... like his mom who ran away w/ another man
coldfiona: but that's how some men are
coldfiona: it's their parents' fault
mi_lovey: i think so... but here men are not that fast to cheat
mi_lovey: they are scared of the support
mi_lovey: their pocket will be hit
mi_lovey: lol
coldfiona: hahahaha
mi_lovey: and talking about that...
coldfiona: no wonder!
mi_lovey: i have brought home work that i need to get done so i will excuse myself early
mi_lovey: i dont think i can get it done tonight but
mi_lovey: iforgot i am cooking
coldfiona: oh ok
coldfiona: i might as well leave now
coldfiona: hehehe
mi_lovey: i thought i can get started early on it
mi_lovey: i'll try to catch you ebfore i goto work if not i will talk to you when i get home
coldfiona: im going out na lang
mi_lovey: you should and have fun
coldfiona: i need to take care of a few things anyway
mi_lovey: just be safe
mi_lovey: watch out for those DOM
coldfiona: have fun without any money?
mi_lovey: lol
coldfiona: i need a DOM right now my dear
coldfiona:
coldfiona: i need cash
mi_lovey: and with that - why dont you le tme help while i can
mi_lovey: you know what
coldfiona: not from you... from those silly MEN
mi_lovey: im thinking of sending you a box full of old clothes and books
coldfiona: i want to use them!!!
mi_lovey: that you can sell in a garage sale there
mi_lovey: lol then you can make money
coldfiona: hahahahhaha
mi_lovey: what is it called???
coldfiona: maybe we can make money that way
mi_lovey: gracey told me abt it
coldfiona: ukay ukay
mi_lovey: okay okay somehting like that
mi_lovey: it was a funny name
mi_lovey: yeahhh
coldfiona: sige we'll talk about it next time
mi_lovey: alright but see that gave me an idea
mi_lovey: since i was always donating them
mi_lovey: sayang
mi_lovey: and the weight do notmatter anyway when you send
coldfiona: well there are still other people who can donate to you
mi_lovey: lol i ahve so much junk
mi_lovey: i wish i can send them all there
mi_lovey: its pathetic here
coldfiona: hehehe
coldfiona: we'll think of a way
mi_lovey: ok
mi_lovey: lets start a business
mi_lovey: hehehe
coldfiona: yes!!!!
coldfiona: F and G's ukay
mi_lovey: ukoy ukay
mi_lovey: ha ha ha
coldfiona: even used laptops
mi_lovey: i ahve used PCs
coldfiona: they can be sold here
mi_lovey: sus
coldfiona: not PC
coldfiona: laptop
coldfiona: PC is cheap here
mi_lovey: uhmmm
mi_lovey: ok im going
mi_lovey: lets brainstorm this idea
mi_lovey: sounds like we can make money
coldfiona: hehehehhehe
coldfiona:
mi_lovey: take care and keep safe
mi_lovey: bye ate fions
coldfiona: gnite
mi_lovey: g'night
coldfiona has signed out. (10/18/2004 10:00 PM)