sense of peace

I am here, still. A year ago, I was so sure I wouldn't make it to this point. If fate do not do it for me, I had plans to make sure it will happen.

Couple of times I tried, I failed. Made me think, my family was taken from me and I am not allowed to be with them. Something must be wrong with me, I am being punished. I am being kept away from the people I love the most.

Where I am right now is through the help and perseverance of what remains of one I call family and friends. I can't deny he had also helped in some ways to keep me where I am now. Although at one point, not so long ago, he was the reason for me to re-think things all over again.

I have taken a good size step to progress, if I can call it progress. I prayed again since exactly a year ago. The day before LG was taken from me, I prayed hard, with all my might, faith and soul. Exactly a year later, without purpose, I prayed again, hard with all my might, with whatever soul left in me. Do I feel any sense of relief? Were my questions answered? The answer is still no, but somehow I am able to accept. That gave me some sense of peace.

Someone who do not know me and knows nothing about me took a chance to send me an e-mail to tell me things about LG and my Mama. A total strager. With words from my son. Anything unexplained has been hard to accept for me. Who is this woman who knows every little bit of petty information that hardly anyone knows but people around my son and my Mother? What reason do I have to believe or not believe her. It is not the story that makes me wonder, it is the little things that describes him, that he said, the way he said it and his actions. Was my son really communicating to me through her. True or not, whatever it is, it gave me some sense of peace.