A man best to be.

How time flies. I have been quite contented and satisfied with my life right now. Thankful for friends - true friends that may be few have been true to the meaning of the word. A son that might not have been from my flesh but has my heart. A job that not only I enjoy and helps me improve both mentally & emotionally.

I questioned my feeling on one aspect though, the right to feel jealous that one I cared for is being graced with a new life. Why? What gives me the right? None. That is the answer. So what justification would I have for feeling jealous that he is granted a new life and here I am needing to take other people's child.

It is not anyone's doing that I am scared to gamble again to bear another life. No ones fault that I won't settle for this wonderful man before me who loves me unconditionally. It is my choice...the life I have now. The life I have now that I am quite contented with that I momentarily question because he is blessed with something I assume I deserve.

It is the path I choose for now.

Maybe a life with J will one day come. Maybe a new life inside me will someday grow. But for now, I need to enjoy my satisfaction for what I have - a son & a partner who loves me unconditionally, a family who is always there to support me, a job that sustains me and friends who keeps me straight when I go astray.

He may not know this and will never know, how glad and happy I am that he is able to find meaning for his life now, experience to be loved unconditionally and be needed. I have always wished this for him, however he thought of me. When you love a soul, it never stop even if the love you feel becomes one that is pure & uninhibited. He can probably never understand the person I am but I am one who has seen his pureness and questioned his choice to restrain it. A man best to do this is a man who a child will benefit from.

Priceless

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

------ author unknown

having a little one about to come to the world is always priceless